landlockedmn

Random thoughts from a landlocked mind!

Catfished by a celeb?

I feel ripped off. I follow a celeb on facebook. Now, I know that some do post on their pages and most don’t. Well, this particular one “friended” me. Out of four million followers, she picked me? She only had like 30 people in her friends list. Weird, right? Whatever, I find her posts inspirational and uplifting so I continue on reading daily.

Yesterday morning, early, I was online and she started a chat with me!! Of course I was skeptical that it was one of her assistants. She assured me it was her. Apprehensively, we started a conversation. Needless to say, I spilled some of my story to this person. Eventually, it kept turning back to this convention she’s putting on in October. I started to back out of the conversation gracefully. She asked to keep talking. Then came the pressure about going to the convention. That’s when I knew for sure it wasn’t her. I commented that she “wouldn’t say that” and that I figured it was an assistant. A few seconds went by and they apologized.

Crappy, just crappy. You know there’s a boatload of other women probably believing it and maybe getting scammed. There’s nothing I can do about it. Does this celeb know or endorse this behavior?

I feel gypped. Grrrrr

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Today I was referred to the Mayo Breast Clinic…

Sigh, today I was referred to the Mayo Breast Clinic to be evaluated for Inflammatory Breast Cancer, aka “orange peel”. I’m 50, married to a disable veteran and just adopted my 4 year old granddaughter last year. What on Earth am I going to do?

I’m trying to be a “big, brave dog” (Chuckie from Rugrats). I know the “don’t panic until you have to” speech, I’ve given it. I’m really trying to stay in “hope for the best, prepare for the worst”. I’m just concentrating on the next step, but if this is bad news, I’m going to be just as aggressive…

Best Case scenario: I have to do a third round of a heavier antibiotic because it’s mastitis (doesn’t make sense) This type of cancer is aggressive, rare and happens at about my age. It’s a rash on my breast that came on fast, swollen, hot to the touch, dimpled appearance. Two rounds of antibiotics and no change. I’m glad my doctor is supportive and listens to my instincts. That’s so rare nowadays.

Now I have to wait for the Mayo (thankfully I live in Minnesota) to call me and schedule an appointment. This clinic does get people in and diagnosed rapidly.

Please God, let me be able sleep tonight.

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He’s not adjusting to civilian life…

My husband medically retired in 2010, after serving 27 years in the military. That basically means that he’s non-deployable anywhere. In other words, politely kicked out. He’s okay with it, somewhat. He knew he was unable to continue. He knew he was too broken.

I love him to death. But, he’s an ornery old coot. He’s struggling so bad and I don’t know how to help him. He’s gone the alcohol route, isolating route, and never-ending surgeries. My resolve is wearing thin. I mean I’m tired. I’m not going anywhere, but I’m tired of hospitals. Eight surgeries with five more to go.

Maybe I’m whining? I don’t know. I’m in need of a way to vent. He’s a veteran now. I don’t belong to an FRG as I’m too far away. I’ve attended al-anon meetings and that’s actually been helpful.

His memory is lapsing. I begged him to talk to his doctor, and she made an appointment at the memory clinic. He did….medium, on his tests. Not too good, not too bad. I fear cognitive impairment. To think, the won’t approve him for Social Security because they say he can work. The military calls him unemployable, but SS doesn’t. That frustrates me because we just adopted our granddaughter and he’s starting to fail. When I was working, his effort is minimal. I explain what I/ the household needs from him and he says “I know, I know” and then nothing. Now, I’m home with them and going back to school. I’m hoping she’ll be going in to kindergarten when I’m getting out. Then he won’t have that responsibility as much.

Thanks for hearing me vent….

 

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Ray Ferrer - Emotion on Canvas

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landlockedmn

Random thoughts from a landlocked mind!